Why Do Personal Ritual?


Let me start by saying — almost every single time I am about to do a personal ritual, I feel resistance. I always brew some tea, put on something silky and loose, head downstairs to my magic room, and start lighting my candles and incense with a tiny feeling of dread.  Maybe it is from years of numbing out on my phone every time I was alone. Or maybe it is because at my core I am social and would rather spend my time with others. Or maybe, just maybe, it is because I really fucking need it. Yes. Definitely that one.

Setting time aside for your own ritual is so important, especially if you are attending other rituals or hosting them. We all need a sweet release and something magic happens when you are left with yourself in a room with some candles burning. There’s this sense of aloneness that feels really sacred. And then, the drop-in happens.

You find yourself rooted and connecting with something higher than yourself — maybe it is that divine presence, or maybe it is your own. And suddenly, every emotion that needs to be felt bursts open like popcorn on the stove.

Most of us go through our days blocking our emotions. We detach from ourselves, become stressed or irritable, or exhausted or depleted. And when you sit with yourself, in your own personal ritual, all of a sudden you break through those blocker emotions and drop into what you are truly feeling.

I have cried my eyes out, just sitting there. I have felt the most incredible, overwhelming love for my family, just sitting there. I have felt rage, just sitting there. Because sitting there is what flings open the door to our depth of feeling.

We don’t live in a society that creates space for us to truly feel things. Especially with a full time job, or being a caretaker, or going to school — we are supposed to be “on” all the time, feeling good and being productive. That need to be constantly okay is the exact thing that makes us not okay. When you create space for yourself, just like you would with a friend who is in need, the floodgates of truth open and a rush of your authenticity breaks through. You are back home, in your body.

When we repress our feelings, we go cold and they leak out in other ways. Ritual makes us come alive again. The only way to genuinely part with feelings is to fully feel them, integrating them, and then letting them move through you. Then you feel lighter, almost ecstatic.

Personal ritual is a reclamation of humanity. It is a giant middle finger to the societal structures that limit our depth and our power. Feeling is power.

So even if it is just once, try it out. Light candles if you can. Get sensual. Feel and look magical, whatever that looks like for you. Put on some music. Get out a blanket. Dab some oils on your body. And sit with yourself. Open yourself up to you. Let me know what you find there.