What Does it Look Like to Actually Not Care About What Other People Think?


I am a libra rising, my Mars is in Leo in my 11th house, and sitting right next to that is my Chiron sitting pretty. What does that mean? Well, I love attention. And I care way too much about what others think of me.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt personally victimized by intrusive thoughts of how you’re perceived. It may not be what everyone thinks about you, but what about your loved ones? Or people you admire? Or it could be Joe and Sally up the street. Or your mom. Or your colleagues. Or random trolls on the internet who somehow know how to grab ya by the throat with their words.

I know I’m far from the only one. As much as I try to do self-work, do my magic, and do my work in the world, I still can’t help but worry when I put something out, over analyze my posts, and wonder if I’m doing okay. Some may say that’s lack of confidence. I say that human beings are pretty much hardwired to care what others think about them. Hear me out.

We have all suffered from the persecution of others in this life and past. Other people have decided whether we live or die, burned or been spared. Think about the witch trials that happened not too long ago, when the public decided your survival. Or the jury, or the clan, or whatever group you were a part of. We are in such an interesting time when no one really has a tribe — we are universal, desperately trying to find an identity to be a part of a community or something bigger than us. These are our instincts, and they are valid.

In other words, I don’t think that these thoughts are going anywhere, regardless of how much self-work I do. And maybe that’s a good thing — it holds me accountable in many ways. But there is an important next step I figured out.

I studied with an old witch while doing this magical herbal apprenticeship. She would rip me to shreds, and then give me the most endearing accolades you could imagine. The point? She didn’t want me to care either way. She wanted me to remain neautral. We often think of not caring what others think if it’s something negative, but how about something good? Letting people’s criticisms or compliments impact you is giving them the power to define who the hell you are. And only you can create who you are. Don’t let anyone define you means sifting through their words for grains of your own truth — like using your own discernment to listen to their criticisms and seeing if you are acting with integrity.

The second you give others that power, you stop working as a conduit of something bigger. It takes you out of spirit. It severs your connection and you find yourself thinking you’re alone. Stop what you’re doing for a minute and look down at your fingertips — only you have those. Only you can do things the way you do them.

Maybe the point isn’t to try and divorce yourself from these thoughts. Maybe the point is to make friends with them, sift through and find your truth, and then remind yourself that you are here on a mission that only you can do. Sometimes it’s holding the door open and smiling. Other times its saving a life. Other times it’s publishing a blog post. And others it’s eating dinner with someone you love.

There are no mistakes. No comparisons. No wrong ways. Act right and own yourself.

Sending you big love.